About me...

Because this journey is intensely personal, there will be times when my posts will be about more than just rebuilding the physical aspects of my life. They may be random and sometimes I think they may not even make sense to some. But whatever I post here will be as honest as I can make it, no punches pulled, telling it like it it. I hope that I can share some insight with others who might be going through a similar transitory period in their own lives. With luck and perseverence I know I will eventually successful in my new life. I have very high hopes for all of this but then I had those when Dave was alive, too. I am naturally a pretty optomistic person, I think.

Working on projects in the house this week. Nothing much interesting to write about on this blog.  Creative juices flowing but no cash to follow through.  Got some funds coming in next week that should put me back on the road to something....don't know what but something.
It is raining today so that put the kibosh on any outside plans I had for today.  I am kind of glad about that because the other day I was working on getting all my pots, etc. up to put into storage and I had a little experience that made me throw down what I was working on and literally run away.


I had all kinds of stuff in pots this year and I was pulling out the dead stuff and dumping out the dirt into a big bin, so I could reuse it next season to fill in stuff.  I paid good money for that organic potting soil, so I always reuse what I can.  Anyway, I had been dumping out small 3" plastic pots for about 20 minutes, which is a totally mindless thing to be doing, so I was not paying any attention.  I just happened to look down and see that the dirt
from the pot I had just emptied was moving so I took a twig and scratched the dirt around and there was a BIG, FAT BLACK WIDOW SPIDER.  I threw down the twig, ran about 30 feet and screamed like a little girl. 


When I was at the farm every day, a spider like that would not have drawn a second glance, other than to make sure it wasn't where somebody might get their hands on it accidentally.  Good thing I was wearing gloves, though. A black widow bite is extremely painful though rarely fatal so I wasn't in any real danger. Life-threatening reactions are generally seen only in small children and the elderly and I am neither of those. I was bitten by a Hobo spider when we lived in Oregon and they are much more dangerous.  It wasn't pleasant, but I survived.  





Black Widow
Today I am working on a project that started back before Dave passed away. It was something that was very important to us and I have just not been in a frame of mind where I have felt like I could continue to work on it. I have not really felt inspired to put anything new up for a long time, but if I am going to survive, I have to get my butt in gear and move in a positive direction.  Dave taught me better than that.

Dave's biggest pet peeve was "negativity". I remember once in particular, when I was just trying to be the "voice of reason" when we were planning a project, that I pointing out the cons of whatever it might have been, he looked at me and said that I should only be putting positive intentions out to the Universe. He also said that if they were good ones, the negative stuff would just work itself out and that I should stop wasting my pro vibes on stuff that didn't matter.  That may sound kind of naive to some people, but it was totally true.  When Dave wanted to accomplish something, he rarely failed to master whatever he was trying to do.  I need to channel him a little more often, instead of just missing him so much.

I am also working on redesigning the old website, so that it is more up to date and a little less downbeat. I have some grand new plans for next season (2011) and I can't wait to reveal some of the new stuff.  I think it is gonna be good.
Okay, I admit it. I am wishy washy.  I said I wasn't going to post much on this blog anymore, but I keep coming back to it.  It is like a comfortable old pair of jeans you just can't seem to throw out because there might be one more season of wear left in them. This blog feels like home and so I have come back to it again...most likely to stay.

To paraphrase that guy from Extreme Makeover, "Welcome home, Suzanne Ballard, welcome home...."

Finally, some progress!!!

I am making a little progress on the field this week.  The friend with the tractor finally got it repaired and he came this week and bush hogged the upper part of the field, so I could get a better look at it. It is much larger than I anticipated and I am kind of excited about that.  My friend is planning on coming and turning it once this fall and
working it again for me in the spring. He said he would have it ready in time to plant the first of April, which thrills me to pieces. I get to spend the winter planning my new garden space for next year and that feels like the first positive step I have taken in months.   I am going to start working on the herb beds again soon, since it has now cooled off and I don't have to worry about having a sunstroke when I am out working!

As soon as I can get my camera repaired, I will take pictures to post with this so you can see the new plot.