About me...

Because this journey is intensely personal, there will be times when my posts will be about more than just rebuilding the physical aspects of my life. They may be random and sometimes I think they may not even make sense to some. But whatever I post here will be as honest as I can make it, no punches pulled, telling it like it it. I hope that I can share some insight with others who might be going through a similar transitory period in their own lives. With luck and perseverence I know I will eventually successful in my new life. I have very high hopes for all of this but then I had those when Dave was alive, too. I am naturally a pretty optomistic person, I think.

Things are not going as planned....BIG SURPRISE!!!  When I started this venture, I think I mentioned that I had no idea how long it would take and I meant that.  I didn't mention, though, that I gave myself a year for a project that probably would only take a couple of months in a different set of circumstances. To think that things would go smoothly was my being totally optimistic about it.

Of course, nothing drastic has happened. Just little niggling things like it being 95+ degrees for days and off the chart humidity. I do not like being hot. Since I didn't start out in the field early this year, I didn't build up a tolerance to the heat and humidity, so it really got me. Also, I am still working through some things from Dave's death (it will be exactly 5 months tomorrow the 24th) and that is holding me back some.

I thought that if I had a project to keep me occupied I wouldn't be so inclined to sadness but I am finding that working with setting up a new garden has done just the opposite.  I just miss him something fierce most days and that is slowing me down...a lot. Plus I am on a limited budget and it is taking much longer that I calculated for some of my funds to be released. That should be settled in the next week or two and that will make a HUGE difference.

Of course, the whole point in creating this blog is to relate the whole process of starting my life over again. That isn't just about setting up a new garden, either. It is about working through some butt kicking grief and setting my life back on an acceptable path.  Notice that I said "acceptable". At this point, that is all I can hope for. I have "re-invented" myself before and I know what that takes.  Luckily, I was relatively successful at reinvention after I was divorced back in the 90's and that gives me confidence that this time will work out okay, too. After all, I found Dave after that transformation, didn't I? Couldn't have worked out any better than that.

And so, I am still confident that the "right" path will eventually reveal itself to me. That hasn't happened yet and I am still searching. But, it should be cooling off in the next couple of weeks and I think I should be able to get to work in earnest on the new beds. For now, I am working on other things.